My mood has been very low lately; a motley assemblage–some BL, some not. It’s been a while since it as been this low and I was feeling kind of invisible and thought that perhaps I should just withdraw altogether. Socially, that is. I have this feeling that I won’t be missed even though I know that’s not true. I used to be good at lurking, but somewhere along the way I made friends and some of them became really good friends, the kind it would take something I’m not sure I have to get over their loss if I were to ever lose them. It is without a doubt that I owe our introduction to BL.
One such friend is Ceres. Just when I was committing to the idea of disappearing for a while–I had pretty much stopped posting everywhere–she Skypes me with an update to a non-BL Twitter conversation we had over a month ago. And I was just feeling like God was saying, “Don’t be stupid.” That seemed to set off a trend because the next day I got a random heart from our mutual friend Hiwa, and then some other things happened and it came to me that even though I lost nearly eight years of BL, the things that I got out if it, the experiences and the people it connected me to remain and that’s the most important part.
I feel awful when I get gifts from friends. I have not had the presence of mind for some time to do the things I want to do to show my appreciation. Sometimes in return for the things they’ve sent me, but mostly because I appreciate their friendship and I want to express it in a tangible way if possible. The last two years have been difficult in that respect, but I’m hoping I can find it in me to complete the projects I started more than a year ago and ship them out to very deserving people very soon. Until then, I will continue feeling awful yet grateful for the efforts of my friends. Especially when they send cute guys to delight me.
Now for the goodies! I got a very comforting letter, a box of chocolate coated mango strips, a box of a variety of 2-bite confections and and and and AND a Kagami Taiga key chain (my sweetie)! Ceres apologized for the second box not being more chocolate, but that’s fine by me because variety is second only to BL in being my preferred spice of life. I’ve tried both (the cookies and cream for the 2-bite confection) and they’re tasty. Since I don’t eat a lot of chocolate or sweets, these should last me a while unless I get a mad craving sometime soon.
Ceres, you are so dear to me! Many, many thanx for all of this and especially for you being you!